My thoughts are running amok again. Haven’t taken my meds most of this week. That could be the problem. (I say ‘could’ in complete sarcasm. I know the reason I feel like shit is because I have not taken my meds or vitamins.) Shouldn’t do that. Only causes problems and all that jazz, Makes me susceptible to stupid things.
Read the news today. Terrible shit. This whole world is brutal. How are we God’s creatures anymore? The blackness, the complete soullessness of our race is crushing. I feel weighted under this violence. It’s the guilt. To know my kind is capable of this terrible, horrible stuff is so heavy on my heart that it’s dragging me to the pits. It is dragging me to the center of my earth, sloping my shoulders, bowing my neck. I cannot walk with the clouds draped over my shoulders like the iron bibs they flop over your groin right before the x-ray slices through your bones for medical observation. It’s a sickness that breeds black bile in my throat. How can I be part of this? How can I claim common history with these beasts? Common ancestry?
Humanity is a sickness, a flaw in our essential make-up that propagates weakness like inbreeding until our future generations become bastardizations, not even recognizable as filth. We are beyond ourselves in violence, lost in a bloodlust subverted but impossible to deny. We are a cancer of this earth and our only excuse to keep existing is just as horribly laughable as fecal coliform. We exist simply because we must, as any creature on this planet but we are aware enough to make justifications. We are aware enough to know that we are crass, undesirable, grunting beasts so we try to act above our station. It’s all the same in the end. It’s all grunting and snuffling, pawing at the dirt.
